I've always been a worrier. It's such a big part of my identity, I'm not sure I'd recognize myself if I didn't worry anymore. Who is that carefree woman in the mirror? I've never seen her before, I don't think she's from around here.
When I was young, I worried about the kinds of things young people often worry about. Are my grades good enough? Will I get into the right college? Will I ever find a boyfriend? Am I making enough money to survive?
Now that I'm older, the worries have become more profound. How much longer will my parents be around? Are we making the right decisions for our family? Is that mole cancerous? Is that semi going to tip over and crush me while I'm driving on the 405? Should I be worried about this lump? Does that confrontational guy living across the street have a gun, and is he going to use it someday? The worry monster just gets bigger as time goes on. It has a steady diet of potential calamities on which to dine.
It has become essential to my well-being that I learn how to manage all this worry. I can easily let my worry spiral out of control, until it consumes my mind and turns my stomach into an aching crater full of acid. I can't live like that, so I've made it a conscious practice to deal with it head on as much as possible. It ain't easy. I've remained steadfast in my conviction that my worry originates in my mind, that it is not a chemical imbalance, and I'm not interested in managing it with medication. I think that course is certainly right for some people, but I don't think it's right for me. So I've had to find other ways.
Meditation
I talked about starting a regular meditation practice for years, but never really found a way to begin. My mind is constantly chattering like a 14-year-old girl, and trying to sit quietly with it for more than five minutes can make me terribly irritable. But as the worry has gotten bigger, my need to quiet my mind has become non-negotiable. I made it my New Year's resolution to meditate regularly, and it has finally stuck. While my mind often prattles on during these meditation sessions, it has allowed me to disengage with the emotional reaction to the thought, and that has been essential to mitigating all this worry. If I can see the worry for what it is - a road block to my well-being - than it is easier to consciously turn it off.
Finding the Flow
"The best moments in our lives are not the passive, receptive, relaxing times... The best moments usually occur if a person's body or mind is stretched to its limits in a voluntary effort to accomplish something difficult and worthwhile." - Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi
What does that mean? In a nutshell, it means finding activities in which you experience flow. Some people call it the "zone." Basically, it's engaging with an activity that is so engrossing and enjoyable that you lose sense of the passage of time and become completely immersed in what you are doing. You are fully present. For me, that's gardening. When I am out in the garden, I'm fully present and engaged with what I'm doing. I'm not feeding the Worry Monster. The more you experience flow, the greater your overall happiness, so the theory goes. It seems to be working for me, so I'm going to keep digging up the dirt, planting seeds, and watching them grow.
Mindful Choices
Life is full of so many choices. Every day, we are presented with hundreds of choices, from what to wear to work that day to what we're going to eat for dinner. When I was younger, I often didn't put much thought into the decisions I was making about how I spent my time or who I was choosing to spend it with. I'm much more careful and mindful about those decisions now. I am more discerning about my friendships and who I want to have in my life. I take time to nurture the relationships that are worth keeping, and allow the ones that are not beneficial to my well-being to fall away. I am trying to do that with all aspects of my life, although some are harder than others. I really want to be mindful about not eating unhealthy foods, but that pizza is soooo delicious. At the very least, I will sit down and enjoy the experience of eating the pizza, savoring the flavors and texture, instead of eating it on the run or while performing another task. I have less guilt when I do something mindfully. Since guilt often leads to worry about making poor decisions and where they will lead me, making mindful choices helps to lessen my guilt and subsequent worry.
Worry will probably always be a part of my life, but that doesn't mean I have to let it control me. These practices are helping to take the power away from the Worry Monster a little at a time and are allowing me to be a more relaxed and confident person. It takes a conscious effort every day, but it's worth it.
Do you deal with the heaviness of worry? How does it affect you, and how do you try to deal with it?
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