That's Amore!

I'm a bit of a girl when it comes to my favorite movie.  When I was a kid, I desperately wanted to be both Italian and a New Yorker, so it's no wonder that I had seen Moonstruck over 30 times by the time I finished high school.  Oh, how I wanted to be Cher, and have big, jet black hair, and wear a pretty dress and go to the opera with a hot, passionate guy.  Even if he did have a wooden hand, I wouldn't care.  He would touch me with that wooden hand and I would go crazy, I tell you.   "Hollow me out so there’s nothing left but the skin over my bones!" I would cry.  Then I would have a good, stiff drink and cook him a steak.  And two days later we would be engaged.  It would be awesome.  This is what I had come to expect from love.

Oh, how wrong I was.

I have learned over the last few months a different meaning of love.  See, I have this cat, his name is Mars.  Some of you may have met him.  He is a curmudgeon.  His typical mode of communication is the persistent, loud meow or the more menacing hiss.  He'll stand at your feet, meowing insistently for attention, and the moment you bend down to pet him he'll bite your hand.  He acts like he doesn't want you around, but if you go out of town for a few days he'll pee on your bed.  Just ask any of my former roommates.  I'm surprised some of them still speak to me.

Well, Mars is almost 14 now (he'll be 14 on tax day, how fitting).  And now, not only is he a curmudgeon - he's a stinky, pooping, peeing, barfing curmudgeon.  If it is foul-smelling, it has come out of him.  In copious amounts.  In my living room. 

Until lately.  You see, Mars has been constipated for the last few days.  And boy, is he not happy about it.  And he has let me know it.  He meowed nonstop for an entire day, and walked around the living room straining, just trying to get that poop out.  So I did some research online.  And I discovered that, just like people, you can give a cat an enema.

Oh yes, you read that right.

So I went to Walgreens at 2am to get the proper supplies (and some Ben and Jerry's for me, because fuck it, if I was giving the cat an enema, I deserved some fucking ice cream afterwards).  I did all the research, prepared the feline enema solution, watched the online how-to videos, and steeled myself for what was about to happen.  I scooped Mars up, plopped him in the tub, and proceeded to, well, try to get him to show me his ass.  Ha!  He knew what was up, he had my number.  And as much as I tried, he was just too squirmy.  I needed reinforcements.

This is where Adam comes in.  The next day, we repeated the same scenario, this time with Adam holding Mars and me in the tub with him.  In went the enema, and in a few moments....out came some truly vile-smelling things that I won't horrify you with the details.  Needless to say, Mars was sequestered in the bathroom for a few hours while he....worked it all out.  By the time it was over, my entire apartment smelled like the inside of a cat, and he desperately  needed a bath.

What's the moral of this story?  Well, to me, it's that love isn't about sex with hot guys and going to the opera.  Love is figuring out how to work out all the shit - figuratively and literally.  Love is giving someone an enema and cuddling with them on the couch later.

This afternoon, Mars and I watched Moonstruck, and I felt the love.

Go Happy!
Amy