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Showing posts with label Art & Writing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Art & Writing. Show all posts

Wednesday, December 31, 2014

Out With the Old

Today is the last day of 2014. It is also the last day that I am going to write in this blog, Created by Chance.

I began this endeavor about five years ago. When I was laid off from my full time job at a television production company during the Great Recession, I was looking for something to fill the days while I decided what to do next. I opened an Etsy shop called "Created by Chance" where I sold (and still sell) upcycled gifts and accessories. I decided a companion blog was in order. It was originally named after my alter ego, Addie Chance, but I've never really adopted that moniker and have always felt that the name of the blog isn't quite in line with who I am or what I want to talk about.

Tomorrow, I am re-launching under a new name. One that feels more authentic to who I am now, who I have become over these last five years. Writing is something I've always thought I would be good at, but I never got into the habit of it until I started taking fingers to keyboard in a regular way with this blog. It has helped me to discover so many new things about myself, like that I love to garden and to cook, and that being creative every day is a necessary to my well-being.

Thanks to all of you who have ventured on this journey of discovery with me. I hope you will join me for the next chapter. We still have so much to learn, and I have enjoyed sharing this experience with all of you.

To quote the wise, venerable old sage, Taylor Swift:



Onwards and upwards!

Go Happy-
Amy

Thursday, December 18, 2014

I Don't Give a F#@k About "The Interview"



If you've been following the news at all lately, no doubt you are aware of this thing called the Sony Hack and the pulling of the film "The Interview" from theaters. If you haven't, read about it here. And leave a note in the comments about how you are able to avoid something that everyone is talking about, short of never going online again.

Seems most in Hollywood are crowing about how shameful it is for theater chains to cancel showings of the movie, forcing Sony to cancel the release of the film. Aaron Sorkin's pretty pissed about it. As are Judd Apatow, Ben Stiller and a host of others. There's lots of talk about "free speech" and "censorship" and how un-American it is to capitulate to cyber-terrorists in this way.

Frankly - I think the reaction is about as American as it can get.

If you are under the impression that Hollywood exists as an exercise of our civil rights, you, my friend, live in a very idealistic world. One I'd like to visit someday, but I think might require loads of Xanax and endless pep talks from Oprah.

Hollywood's main interest is the bottom line. Entertainment exists, by and large, to make money. Making money is the American Way. If you put some sort of obstacle in the way of making money, it is quintessentially American to remove that obstacle. If "The Interview" were to play in theaters over Christmas, at a time when many American families will be taking in a flick or two, it might convince some folks it's safer to stay home. It's not like theaters haven't been subject to violence and terrorism in the recent past. If people avoid movie theaters over the holidays because of a perceived threat, remove the threat. "The Interview" is a threat to the bottom line.

Censorship is a part of the entertainment business. Why do you think you never hear the word "fuck" on primetime broadcast television? Because no writer ever wanted to add it to a script? Fuck no! It's because "fuck" will alienate some audience members, which will mean less eyeballs, which will mean advertisers won't be as interested in paying to have their ads run during your show. Most TV shows don't exist to entertain us - they exist as an advertising platform. It's the American Way.

Honestly, I really don't care one way or another about the film being cancelled. It's just as much an exercise of rights to pull the film as it is to show the film. Sony execs decided to make the dictator in the movie a real person because they thought it would be more provocative. They got exactly what they asked for.

What I DO care about are the work-a-day folks over at Sony whose personal information was leaked. Those in charge seem to be playing fast and loose with the private information of the girl in the office who gets the coffee or the guy who sits in the editing bay for 16 hours a day. I hope this whole debacle will serve as a cautionary tale to companies to take cyber security seriously. It's all fun and games until you piss off one of the most volatile dictators in the modern world.

Saturday, December 6, 2014

I Am Not An Expert

I feel such relief telling you that.

I'm gearing up for a major blog overhaul for the New Year, and this morning as I journaled I contemplated what the focus of my new blog should be. I took a look at the types of articles I write, and they are all over the place - gardening, cooking, recipes, writing, relationships, self-healing, mindfulness, pop culture - the list goes on and on it seems. There is no one topic that I prefer writing about above all else.

That's when it occurred to me - I am not an expert. At anything.

Yes, I have a master's degree. I vigorously studied acting and theatre for seven solid years. I've easily reached the 10,000 hour mark that is supposed to signify mastery of a skill. Yet, I don't feel like an expert. I see how much more I still don't know, how many more skills in just that field alone I have yet to conquer. I can't pull a German dialect out of my back pocket (even though I'm of German descent), and I still sometimes have to look up the rules when I'm scanning Shakespeare text. Not to mention I don't know how to read a teleprompter, my tap dance skills are basic and rusty, and I still get nervous on set because my mind is completely encumbered with hitting my mark and making sure I'm doing the same thing with my right hand on that one word in each take so it can be edited together smoothly, let alone doing any actual acting that I was trained to do.

I realize that one of the reasons I have not been terribly successful at anything is because I lack the laser focus that is characteristic of truly accomplished people. James Clear wrote a fantastic essay on this idea, citing how Warren Buffett advises to make a list of all the things you want to accomplish. Pick the top 5 goals and ignore everything else until you reach those most important goals.

I love this in theory, but in practice I'm a complete failure. I've discovered that I find the world an endlessly fascinating place, and it is nearly impossible for me to focus on one, two, or even three things solely, at the exclusion of all else. Stop gardening so I can go to more casting director workshops? Don't make a fantastic dinner from scratch so that I can get in 1,000 more words on my novel? Never travel because I might be out of town for an important audition? I can't do that. I just can't.

One of the greatest joys in my life has been the discovery that nearly everything is interesting. I have finally found some level of peace and contentment knowing that I can find happiness in the smallest things, and that the more I know about all these small things, the more interesting and fulfilling life becomes.

So what does that mean? It means I'm not an expert at anything, and I probably never will be. It worries me as a writer that I cannot speak about any one thing with authority. But I'm coming around to the idea that maybe I am an expert learner, an expert student. Maybe what I have to share with the world is my enthusiasm about all the things around me, around us, in this big, beautiful world. I'm just not the type of person to put all my eggs in one basket. Why? Because look at that cute box over there, or that hand-knitted bag! I could put some eggs in those, too. And why limit myself to just eggs? Some fresh-baked croissants would look awfully nice in there as well.

My new blog is not going to share any expert insight into any one thing. It is simply going to be me, sharing my journey of lifelong discovery. I hope you'll find it compelling enough to take a walk with me now and again. Perhaps you'll also discover some of those wonderful, small things that make life so sweet, and so precious, and so worthy of our attention.


Monday, November 24, 2014

Going Rogue

I made a terrible realization the other day. I realized that I assume I will fail.

I've been an actor for 20 years. I studied for 7 years with some of the best teachers in the country. I worked on my skills, honed my talent, paid my money for all the tools I would need to have a successful career, and success has been nothing but elusive. Every time I'm about to get to the next level, a brick wall is thrown up in front of me. Nothing about being an artist has been easy for me. So my default setting is assuming failure. I realize that I now assume that everything I try will fail. I made the unpleasant discovery that success doesn't even seem like a possibility anymore. Because failure is all I have ever known.

This makes me incredibly sad.

I keep going, though, because in my heart it's what I know I'm supposed to do. I've tried doing other things, I've walked away from being an artist for years at a time. But that is soul-crushing, I've learned that the hard way. Being successful at something else does not make me happy. Not in a meaningful way.

I'd like to think that at some point, something will be easy. That my hard work and dedication will pay off. That someone will say YES. YES, Amy Clites, we want to work with you. YES, Amy Clites, not only do we think you have talent, but we know just what to do with it. My problem has never been a lack of talent. My problem has always been that I don't fit into any mold, so nobody has ever known how to capitalize on what I have to offer. (CAPITALIZE is the operative word there - people don't know how to make money off me.)

I recently had breakfast with a friend who just celebrated a milestone birthday. When taking stock of where she is right now versus where she thought she'd be, the truth was that she doesn't have any of the things she thought she'd have at this age. But instead of it bringing her down, she said it was actually freeing. She made the realization that it was time to go rogue. And I'm going rogue right with her. We've been fed all these ideas about how to be successful and none of them have worked for us. We've played by the rules, we've taken the classes, we've gotten the right pictures, we've learned how to typecast ourselves, and NONE of it is working. As my friend told me, it's time to trail blaze.

FUCK everything that I've been taught. I'm not playing by anybody else's rules anymore except my own. You think you can tell me what I need to do to succeed? GREAT! But guess what? Tried it! Didn't work for me! Doesn't feel authentic to who I am! So fuck all that. As my sage-like movement teacher in grad school, Loyd Williamson, would say, "Go your own way."

Starting today I'm doing things differently. How? I have no fucking idea yet. I have no idea how this will take shape. I have no road map. It's time to go inward, to listen to my heart and my intuition. To say YES to things that feel good and right and NO to things that don't. "One size fits all" success is not in the cards for me. I started on that journey - getting the education, doing the networking, taking MORE classes, paying MORE people to teach me the secret to success. Yeah, fuck that. I'm in the same place pretty much that I was 20 years ago - expect MUCH deeper in debt. That shit does not work for me.

When I was a teenager, I thought of myself as a nonconformist. Somewhere along the way I bought into the idea that I needed to conform in order to succeed. How the fuck did that happen?

I'm going rogue, y'all. It's time to be a stubborn, incorrigible nonconformist. Stay tuned.



Tuesday, November 18, 2014

I'm Not a Christian, But I Prayed Today

I prayed today.

No, I don't normally pray. Not in a traditional, Christian-type way. I'm not a Christian, and I've never spoken to God in a direct way through prayer. Just saying the word "God" has always made me uneasy. I'm not an atheist, however. I am a spiritual person, and I connect to my spirituality through meditation. I feel more comfortable with the word "Universe" to describe the all-powerful, all-knowing presence others might refer to as "God". "Universe" works for me, because my beliefs tend to lean towards the idea that everything is connected - you, me, that dog, those flowers, Jupiter, the cosmos. As Carl Sagan famously said, "We're made of star stuff." That deeply resonates with me, and my truth.

When I feel troubled, have a problem that needs to be worked out, or am generally feeling blue, I've learned to turn to this meditative state, and to find solace in the small things - my cats purring, the rose bush in bloom in the garden, a warm cup of coffee. I've found answers to many of life's problems there, which is generally along the lines of "Take it easy. Don't take yourself or your problems too seriously. We're all part of the same machine. You're not in this alone."

But there are times when that isn't enough, really. As I get older, problems seem to become more serious, more life-changing, more damaging - the potential for total annihilation seems to be around every corner. I'm having one of those moments right now. Where I'm confronted with a problem that I have discovered I don't yet have the tools I need to really deal with it in a meaningful way. So I prayed.

Anne Lamott wrote a wonderful book a few years ago called Help, Thanks, Wow: Three Essential Prayers. In it she identifies three types of prayers - those where you ask for help, those where you thank God/the Universe because you are receiving the help you need, and those where you are so totally wowed you are speechless. I'm very familiar with the latter two, but I don't have much experience with the first, so I decided to try it. What could it hurt?

There are many among my friends who dismiss prayer as a legitimate tool of assistance. Asking God to cure cancer seems totally futile. Is God going to reach down out of the sky with a giant hand and miraculously cure you? Probably not. But I'm coming around to the idea of asking for assistance through prayer. When I pray, I may pray to "God" (which I did this morning), but really, I am praying to myself (which, I literally believe to be true - we are all a part of "God" or have "God" inside us, whatever "God" is - that star stuff Carl Sagan was talking about).

I prayed for patience, and insight. I prayed to find the tools, the wisdom I need to deal with this particular issue with grace. I promised to clear my mind, let go of my more explosive emotions, and be on the lookout for the help that I need. I promised not to shut down, but instead to open up, to let go, to make space for the new light to fill, when it comes. I asked for help with all of this.

I'm asking myself to be open to new possibilities, to find new ways, to have more grace. I'm old enough to know that problems will never stop coming. No life is problem-free, and many of us face unbelievably heart-breaking challenges from time to time. I am wise enough to know that while I don't have the tools I need yet to deal with this problem head-on, that this challenge is giving me the opportunity to learn new skills, to be a better person. To be a better me. I may arrive on the other side with a couple more wrinkles and a couple more pounds, but I will be smarter, my mind will be clearer, my heart will be stronger, and my soul will be more open.

I prayed today. And I think it helped. I'll probably do it again sometime.


Sunday, November 16, 2014

Showing My Work

I've been anxiously waiting for a book that I've had on hold at the library, and finally got it into my hot little hands yesterday afternoon, after a wait of about three months.

I'm already finished reading it.

In fairness, it's a short book, easily digested, but it is FULL of GREAT and USEFUL IDEAS. That book is "Show Your Work" by Austin Kleon.



Do you know him? If not, you should check him out. Particularly if you are a creative type person. His first book, "Steal Like an Artist" is also right on the money. You can find out all about his books and his blackout poetry at www.austinkleon.com.

I've been thinking about this concept - showing my work - for a few months now. Ever since I started on the journey of The Artist's Way, back in August. A journey which is coming to an end this week. I'm a changed person because of it.

I've got lots of ideas brewing in this brain of mine. I'm smack-dab in the middle of working on a Young Adult novel - called "New Summerland" - as part of NaNoWriMo. This very blog you're reading right now is scheduled for a New Years overhaul, and I'm pretty excited about it. I've got a better idea of what direction I'm heading in, and I'm excited to share it with you.

I've been enjoying this new process of showing my work on a regular basis. I thank you for going on this ride with me, and sharing your work with me. We're all in this together. We are all students and teachers, simultaneously.

Go forth and create! And show me what you're working on!


Thursday, November 13, 2014

An Afternoon in Paris - Then and Now

I am engulfed in wonderful memories today. On this day one year ago my husband, Adam, and I were on our honeymoon in Paris. We spent three wine-soaked, wonder-filled days bumming around the city with our good friend, Wally, after having spent the previous three weeks exploring rural France, Sicily and Marrakech. It was epic.

On this particular day - November 13, 2013 - we spent the afternoon tracking down the location of a photo that Adam's parents had taken on their honeymoon in Paris in 1949, in the hopes of recreating the photo ourselves. Adam wrote a beautiful story of our little adventure, which is posted below with the pictures - then and now.

On a side note we have recently learned that the Frank mentioned in the story below, Frank Mankiewicz, has recently passed, which makes this memory all the more bittersweet today. Frank was Adam's father's best friend, and later became the Press Secretary for Bobby Kennedy's presidential campaign. Adam's parents were at the Ambassador Hotel with Frank on the night Kennedy was assassinated, which is another story for another time, but certainly makes all of the below even more poignant for us. We certainly wish to express our deepest condolences to Frank's family. He will always be remembered quite fondly by us.

I do hope you enjoy.

An Afternoon in Paris - Then and Now
by Adam Hall

Paris, 1949. Four years after the end of the world's most destructive war, which had destroyed large swaths of Europe, my parents chose to celebrate their nuptials by honeymooning there. Most of the details are lost, and perhaps not particularly interesting. But central to this story is the sole surviving photo from their trip. It shows them on a motorcycle, in front of a cafe, on a street corner in Paris. I came into possession of the picture following my father's passing in 2011. Framed simply, it hangs in the central hallway of my house, above the usual line of sight.  For the last two years I have occasionally glanced at it, trying to conjure images of what their trip must have been like. They seldom mentioned it, not out of any reluctance, as they obviously enjoyed the adventure, more from a perception that no one would be interested in the telling.

Los Angeles, 2013. I have recently married Amy, a wonderful woman who enjoys travel, and specifically travel with me. A fortuitous combination of factors led us to plan a honeymoon trip to Paris, from which seed a general plan of travel emerged. As I began the planning, the image of that picture of my parents on the street in Paris took more precedence in my mind and I began to view it as a quest for our trip. My most traveled friend always advised that one should have a quest on any trip, something which guides and provides directions in the absence of any other motivation. Even a honeymoon can benefit from some focus, so I imagined tracking down the location where the photo was taken and recreating it with my wife. We would be visiting our good friend, Wally, while in Paris, and he thought the challenge to be an admirable one.

As you can see in the picture, there isn’t a lot to identify the location. The Rue de L'Université is a rather long street in a city where streets tend to change names at every brasserie. Thanks to the advent of Google Street view it is now possible to take a virtual drive along a street, and so I had hopes of being able to spot the corner from the comfort of home prior to visiting Paris.  Unfortunately, that did not pan out. Or more precisely, I could not pan in close enough to match any of the details. Of course, it has been over 60 years since then and not surprisingly the buildings have undergone renovations, redecorating, change of tenants and use, and even entire buildings torn down and rebuilt (although, this being Paris, that is a rare event).

It was looking like the only way of identifying the building would be to walk up and down the street hoping to find someone old enough to remember how the street appeared all those years ago. How far back would that be? Did the cafe survive 10 or 20 years before succumbing to progress? There are many cafes still in business from that time, for example the ones Hemingway wrote about in The Moveable Feast. Would I get lucky and find that this was such a stalwart? At least then the cafe might have old pictures of its history, or an owner with ties to that time period.

There was one remaining link to their trip - their best friend Frank, who I recall them saying was with them at the start in Paris, and who, at 90 years of age, is still going strong and has vivid recollections of their times together (as evidenced by a set of recollections and stories he sent me on the occasion of my father's recent passing). Whether those recollections are reliable is debatable. Frank’s family was as literate as the Kennedy’s were orate. He also had the demeanor of a top poker player, of which there was already a representative amongst the family. The combination led to some memorable family word games (trust me, it was more interesting than it sounds.) The point being, no matter how firmly and believably Frank might respond to my questions, I had to take his answers with a grain of salt.

Paris, 2013. Upon landing in Paris, I called Frank and asked if he remembered the photo. After some confusion about who was in the picture he quickly described how they had decamped to the Hotel de L'Université, using it as a base for trips around Europe that continued through the end of the year. He recollected the address as being number 5 or 6, and the intersection was Rue des Saints Pères. The cafe, he thought, was the hotel cafe and called the Bonaparte. This was all promising information, and informed by that intelligence I set off with Amy to see what we could find. We made arrangements to meet up with Wally in that general area later in the afternoon.

Amy and I arrived at the Rue de L'Université by Metro and began walking towards the location we had identified. Eventually we came to the 10s and found ourselves in front of the Hotel de L'Université. My spirits lifted as a major piece fit the puzzle. But there was no cafe fronting the hotel, nor did it look like there had ever been a place for one. More importantly, it was not on a corner, so unless a street had been closed off Frank's data was a bit off. And in Paris, changing a street like that would be unheard of.

We continued on down the rue, looking for the next corner. The hotel ended and we started to pass other buildings. This meant that the cafe couldn't be in the hotel. Further down the street, number 6 was just a store in the middle of the block. But then, coming to the intersection with Rue des Saints Pères, I found two cafes on opposite corners on the north side of the street, matching the shadows on the picture showing that the café was south-facing. On the near side was the Galette Café. On the opposite side across Rue des Saints Pères was the Comptoir des Saints Pères bar brasserie. To confuse things, a sign on the outside of the Comptoir touted their "cafe a la tasse" and "chocolat chaud", similar to what was on the window in the original picture. But everything was different from the photo. Then, looking above the Galette Cafe, I spotted the window and filigreed iron railing on the second floor, and a smile lit across my face as I realized that I had found the same building. Amy and I excitedly looked back and forth between the photo and the building, and confirmed that it had the right features.

We crossed the street to the cafe, but it was closed until lunch time. With an hour to wait before it opened, and also for Wally to arrive, we adjourned to the bar on the other corner to do what Parisians love to do anyway - enjoy an espresso and watch the world go by. I showed the picture to one of the older waiters. He said that had indeed been the cafe across the street many years ago. I had my confirmation!  After a bit Wally arrived. We shared our success with him, and all sat down to await the opening of Galette.

Shortly after noon, the blinds went up and Galette Café was open for business. We walked over, sat down, and showed the waitress our picture. She and her husband were the owners (he was from Brittany, hence the specialty of galettes – buckwheat flour crêpes - in the name and on the menu) and we all traded mutual travel stories for a few minutes, including me telling about my parents’ trip 64 years ago. They had opened the restaurant about a year ago, and the previous place had been there for 30 years, which still did not go back to the original from the picture. But we knew we had the right place. We then sat down to a delicious lunch of galettes, and planned our next steps.

Paris has a system of bicycle rentals on streets throughout the city, and we decided to rent one of them to recreate the picture ourselves. Put our own spin on it, as it were. We found a nearby bank of bikes and took one back to the cafe, which by this time was half-bathed in bright sunlight coming down the street. We needed to wait for about 30 minutes until the sun passed behind the street's buildings, so we settled into the Comptoir bar across the street again for another libation. It was a very European thing to do anyway.


Presently, the sun went behind a building and we were clear to take the re-creation photo. We took our places with Wally assuming Frank’s role across the street as photographer. I tried imagining what those three experienced on that day more than 60 years ago.  Of course theirs was a spur-of-the-moment photo. Between getting the pose right, lighting, and constant foot and vehicle traffic, it took us about 20 minutes to get the shot. I felt very uncomfortable with people staring at me so I guess I could never have a career as a model/actor. Amy and Wally (both actors) on the other hand, enjoyed the hell out of it.

Sunday, November 2, 2014

NaNoWriMo 2014 - Am I Crazy?!

I've been talking about writing a book. For YEARS. Have I done it? Nope. It's really easy to put off writing a book. Staring at that blank page, thinking about all the words you still have to write, trying to figure out how to structure the damn thing, looking for some kind of divine intervention...yeah, way easier to clean the bathroom and re-organize the garage than get started on that novel.

In an interesting bit of synchronicity, I have been lately thinking again seriously about writing a book, and stumbled on this little thing called National Novel Writing Month, or NaNoWriMo for short. Basically, it is a challenge to write 50,000 words during the month of November. If you finish, you win. Approximately 250,000 people take the challenge, and only 33,000 win.

Well, crap, if you make it a competition of course I want to win!

So, I threw my hat in the ring. I had an idea for a Young Adult novel in October, so I decided to run with it. Flying by the seat of my pants. I'm two days and 4,426 words in. It is extremely helpful to have a deadline and to know that the most important goal is to just get the words on the page. Keep typing. Don't get mired down in details. Start and JUST KEEP GOING TIL YOU FINISH.

This is the perfect set-up for me.

You may not hear from me quite so often this month, as some of my dedicated blogging time will now be novel-writing time, because I am determined to finish this thing. I want to be able to look back at the end of the year and think I WROTE A BOOK. A WHOLE BOOK!!

Anyone want to join me?


Thursday, October 30, 2014

A Simple List of Things I Love

Today's task in The Artist's Way was to make a simple list of things I love, and to post it somewhere where I can see it. If possible, I'm also supposed to get myself something off this list to enjoy. I've posted here before about my essentials for happiness and things I want, but making this list felt a little different. These are the simple things that bring me joy. They aren't necessarily essential to my well-being, but they make life richer and more meaningful.

THINGS I LOVE

  1.  CATS!
  2.  Slow meals with good friends and family
  3. Candlelight
  4. Bright colors and patterns, especially exotic ones
  5. Wonderful smells like lavender, lilac, rosemary and onions cooking on the stove
  6. Things that are soft and fluffy and silky to the touch
  7. Bright fall days
  8. Being surrounded by plants and flowers
  9. Rain and thunderstorms
  10. The sound of meditation bells
  11. Lemon flavored desserts
  12. Receiving cards and letters in the mail
  13. Giving gifts
  14. Traveling to new places
  15. Indian food
  16. The first glass of wine at the end of a long day
  17. Hugs from my parents
  18. Bringing a smile to someone’s face
  19. Halloween
  20. Feeling like part of a family
  21. Listening to music while driving, and singing along
  22. Street fairs and farmer’s markets
  23. Claw machines, and the feeling I get when I win
  24. Sunrises, and the quiet early morning hours
  25. Being in nature, and seeing animals in their natural habitats
  26. The first cup of coffee in the morning
  27. The anticipation of travel, of fun upcoming events, and of seeing people I haven’t seen in a long time
  28. Dramatic sunsets
  29. Clean sheets
  30. Pretty little flowers in a vase

What do you love? I challenge you to make a simple list. It feels good, and it's a great reminder to add these little things to your life whenever possible. You deserve it.

My cats, Murray and Venus, enjoying a fresh breeze.  I love them!


Saturday, October 25, 2014

Welcome Back, Monica: An Open Letter to Monica Lewinsky

Dear Monica-

I hadn't realized you had disappeared somewhat from the public eye until yesterday (I guess that's how "disappearing from the public eye" works). I was scrolling through my newsfeed on Facebook and came upon a video a friend had shared from Upworthy - "Monica Lewinsky Gives Her First Public Speech in 16 Years And Says Exactly What Needs To Be Said". Based on my friend's comment, which amounted to, "Hey, we've all made crappy decisions, let's have some compassion", I decided to have a look.

Compassion has been a theme in my life lately. The past couple of years have thrown some pretty awful things my way, including being publicly maligned on social media - though on a much smaller scale than what you've had to deal with - and I've discovered that the only way to really cope is to actively practice compassion. It is perhaps one of the most difficult challenges to embrace, but one that also reaps the highest rewards.

In watching the video of your speech at the Forbes Under 30 Summit, I noticed that I could not stop smiling. It seems like a strange reaction, but I was delighted by your honesty, your willingness to accept responsibility for the poor choices of your youth, and your commitment to giving purpose to your past.

Hell, I've made poor choices. I made ALOT of poor choices in my early twenties. Thankfully, through life experience, I'm making far fewer poor choices now that I'm heading into my forties. I've suffered the consequences from those bad choices, learned something, and have been able to grow and put them behind me. Due to the global publicity of your choices, you have not been so lucky. It's hard to imagine what it would be like to have to revisit choices I made 16 years ago every day.

I remember in the late 90s and early 2000s joining in on the "let's bash Monica Lewinsky" bandwagon. I didn't think of you as a real person then, you were simply a character in a political theater piece that seemed to have very little to do with my reality. Frankly, I'm embarrassed by that now. You are a person - a smart, strong, capable, ambitious, generous and warm-heated person at that. I'm sorry that I ever let you become something other than that in my mind. You are a person that deserves to have a happy and productive life. Compassion is teaching me that we all do, and that I need to take more care in how I perceive people in the media. No story is black and white, and it is important to remember that there is always a real person, with real feelings, behind every story - a person whose truth may be drastically different from the story that is being spun by the media.

There are always going to be trolls and cyber-bullies. I read some nasty things in reaction to your recent Vanity Fair article as well as your Forbes speech. None of us will ever be free of those who lack compassion, who refuse to give anyone a second chance, who refuse to take the high road, who are incapable of having empathy for someone's imperfect humanity. But I hope that you will weather the naysayers so that you may find your purpose.

Our world needs more women who can rise out of shame, more women who are educated, well-spoken, and compassionate, who can provide a voice for those who do not have the strength to speak for themselves, who lack the courage to face humiliation with their heads held high.

I'd like to live in a world where Monica Lewinsky and Hillary Clinton can co-exist. I don't think having respect and compassion for one should negate that for the other. I believe I can hold each in high esteem without being contradictory. I hope more and more people come to that conclusion as well. It would be a damn shame for the world to lose out on the gifts you have to give. The time is right for your new beginning, and I am excited to think about the ways in which you will have a positive impact on our world.

Welcome back, Monica. I, for one, am really glad you are here.

Sincerely,
Amy Clites


Thursday, October 23, 2014

Why Getting Older Has Made Me More Indecisive and Less Opinionated, and What That Has to Do with Renee Zellweger's Face

Unless you are completely disconnected from the Internet, chances are you read something about Renee Zellweger's face over the past couple of days. It seems just about every media outlet, celebrity journalist, blogger, and anyone with a Twitter account has piped in with their two cents. Scroll through your newsfeed and you'll no doubt see before and after pictures of her face, expressions of shock and dismay, and opinions about women over 40 getting plastic surgery. Some people find her new look appalling. Some think we should just ignore it. Others have defended her.

My original reaction was one of mildly shocked confusion. How could someone's face change so much that they no longer look like themselves? I clicked back and forth between pictures, trying to figure out what was different, but the changes are subtle. Yet, there's no denying she no longer looks like Bridget Jones. I felt the familiar mild annoyance I generally do that women over 40 continue to perpetuate this notion that we all have to live up to impossible beauty standards, and continue to look like young versions of ourselves, even when we're older. I, myself, have considered plastic surgery on this nose of mine, thinking that would solve some of my problems and people in Hollywood would like me better. So far, I've succeeded in talking myself out of that. I have worked very hard to like who I am, and I don't really want to undergo elective surgery that may drastically alter my appearance. I want to look like me when I look in the mirror.

But then I read her response in People magazine and I thought, "Hey, she's right, who am I to shame someone whose appearance has changed?" My confusion and annoyance about the differences in her face morphed into annoyance about all the attention people were paying to it. I liked that she had made many of the same changes that I've been working on as I get older, namely slowing down, spending more time with a few important people, getting more rest, nurturing my creativity, and learning more about my authentic self.

But then, goddammit, I read this article in LA Weekly, and my opinion changed again. Amy Nicholson makes a great argument that it's okay - nay, that it's actually very important - that we're upset about Renee's Zellweger's face. The actress's refusal to acknowledge that she has had any cosmetic procedures to alter her look, that they are instead the result of being well-rested and happy, is a terrible affront to all us average Sallys out there. No matter how much sleep I get, or how many home-grown vegetables I eat, I'm never going to look like a "movie star". Nicholson argues that her changed appearance just proves that talent and personality are much less important than beauty.

I already know that beauty is king, I don't need any additional reinforcement of that idea.

So, here's where it gets tricky for me. I appreciate Zellweger's response that people should focus more on the positive changes she's made in her life to make it happier and more fulfilling, and spend less time obsessing about her looks. But I also agree with Nicholson, that ignoring it does nothing to mitigate the idea that women need to always look as beautiful and as young as possible, even if it means going under the knife.

This makes me want to tear my hair out! I don't know what to think anymore!

I was very opinionated as a teenager, and in my early 20s. But since I hit 30, if you present me with two opposing ideas and make a good argument for each, I cannot decide how to feel about it. I no longer see issues in black and white. I've had too many life experiences, things I thought would never happen to me and family, that have forever altered my ability to see issues as inherently good or inherently bad. I tend to shy away from hot button issues because my thoughts aren't generally solid one way or another. I'm terrible at arguing a point, especially with someone who is very persuasive, because I then see it from another point of view and my own arguments seem hollow.

I thought this development as I get older, this inability to be fervently opinionated, was the result of having a more tender heart, of feeling a little weaker. A friend (someone who is, coincidentally, a great persuader), challenged me that it is not weakness, but wisdom.

I'd like to believe my indecisive nature is a result of wisdom gained over the years, but I'm not so sure (ha! There's that indecisiveness again). Now with Renee Zellweger staring me in the face with her new face, this issue is more confusing than ever.

Does anyone else have this problem?


Monday, October 20, 2014

Morning Pages Insight - What I Want

Part of the creative recovery process laid out in The Artist's Way are the morning pages. These are perhaps the most important tool of the entire journey and must be completed every day. First thing in the morning, you are to write three pages of free association. No editing, no censoring, just get it all on the page, even if it is nonsensical garbage.

I've come to the point in the process where we're asked to go back and read these morning pages, looking for insights and calls to action. It's a rather astonishing exercise. First of all, I'm awed by the sheer number of words and pages. If I dedicated myself to writing three pages every day, I'd have a book in two months. Wow. Secondly, while there is quite of bit of blathering on about mundane daily life, there are some genuine themes emerging, and bits of writing that I've done that are resonating with me.

Early in the process I made a stream-of-consciousness list of what I really want in life. Some of it is just basic, like wanting good health. Some of it is my dreams, like starring in a movie. But all of it is illuminating. I feel a little naked exposing this to you all, but I feel like naming what I want and putting it out there into the Universe is the first step in calling it to me. I am working hard to visualize abundance for myself and my family and friends, and to honor the notion that the Universe is conspiring to give me everything that I want. And that's not a selfish notion - I believe that is true for everyone. You have the capacity to have everything that you want.

So, here it is. Here is what I want.

What I Want

  1. I want financial security.
  2. I want a strong and healthy family.
  3. I want a strong and healthy body.
  4. I want a rewarding, intimate relationship.
  5. I want a clear, healthy, and creative mind.
  6. I want to be respected in my field.
  7. I want to be a successful writer.
  8. I want to make my living from writing and acting.
  9. I want to be creative every day.
  10. I want to play in the sun and grow a big garden.
  11. I want to live somewhere that is beautiful.
  12. I want to marvel at nature on a daily basis.
  13. I want to travel and see more of the world before I am dead.
  14. I want to nurture the important friendships in my life.
  15. I want to see my parents and my family more.
  16. I want to have a peaceful relationship with my husband's family.
  17. I want my friends to have the things that they want.
  18. I want to be happy.
  19. I want my friends and family to be happy.
  20. I want to spend as little time working as possible, and as much time playing and exploring my hobbies and helping people feel inspired by the world around them.
  21. I want to be a force and a voice of good.
  22. I want to be a good person.
  23. I want to be involved in my community.
  24. I want to be a good role model to young and old alike.
  25. I want to grow old gracefully.
  26. I want to embrace my flaws.
  27. I want to feel confident and strong.
  28. I want to banish anxiety from my life.
  29. I want to live peacefully, surrounded by nature and my cats.
  30. I want to write some books and go on a few book tours.
  31. I want some of my books to be turned into movies, movies in which my friends and I can star.
  32. I want to explore the world and explore my inner world.
  33. I want to meditate more and talk less.
  34. I want to be a beacon of light to others in the world who feel lost.
So there you have it. That is what I want, at least on that particular day in September of 2014. I feel it is so important to name these things, so that I can make a move towards attaining them.

What do you want? Have you sat down and written it out? I challenge you to take a little time to be abundantly clear, down to the smallest details and the biggest concepts, of what you want out of this life. And then tell me all about how you are achieving these things. We can do it - together!


Monday, October 13, 2014

NAKED PICTURES OF ME - Do I Have Your Attention Now?





I've been thinking a lot about attention lately, and how it relates to art. Or, more importantly, how it relates to making a living in the arts. To distill it down to its essence, it seems you cannot have success ($$) without attention.

So basically, whether or not you are going to succeed, whether or not you are going to make money and not have to pack it all in and move back in with mom and dad back in Indiana, is all based on whether or not you can attract attention.

Yet I feel the word "attention" is much maligned in the media (thus bringing even more attention to it). "Attention" is often paired with "whore", so anyone seeking attention is cast in an unflattering light.

I guess my question is, what does it take to attract attention to yourself, to your work? In a cluttered market, what makes you stand out? I'd like to think talent is important, but I've learned the hard way that talent is not an essential part of the success equation. It's not really even necessary. I've been deemed "talented" by just about everyone I've worked with, but after 20 years I'm still just barely scraping by. I've been told by some of the most esteemed teachers in the business that I have "it", that I have what it takes to "make it" if I just hang in there long enough. That I am special.

That's nice to hear, but the harsh truth is that I am not special in the marketplace. I am either uncastable, not fitting into any perceived, marketable category (how many times have I heard "I love you, but I don't know what to do with you", or conversely, "I already have half a dozen women just like you on my roster"?) Too many soccer moms, too many funny aunts, too many nosy neighbors, too many average-looking, middle-aged women. I don't stand out.

While I relate this conundrum to acting, I do think it applies to just about any artistic medium. What does it take to attract attention to the work you do? And how do you avoid being called an "attention whore" for trying to get people to look in your direction for more than half a second?

I know - you build a website, you send email newsletters, you post constantly on Facebook and Twitter, you send out mailers, you take class after class, you pay for casting director workshops, you "build your brand." Hell, you make sex tapes or have naked pictures of you leaked. You spend 95% of your time promoting yourself and 5% of your time actually making art.

I think the way we educate artists is fucked up. I spent 7 years and $85,000 on my education. I spent 95% of my time working on my art and 5% of my time learning how to promote myself. I now can't get a job. Why aren't institutions of higher learning focusing more on how actors treat themselves like businesses? Why aren't we learning how to make a business plan, how to set up an LLC, how to file taxes with deductions, how to create a marketing plan, how to have CONFIDENCE in your brand so that you can tout to the world how awesome it is? Artists should be required to minor in business or marketing.

Instead, it seems the only way I'll every pay off my student loans is by getting a job outside my field of expertise, outside of the business that I trained for and paid big money to learn how to do expertly.

Seriously, though, and I know I've gone on a little rant here, but it is important - how do you attract attention without alienating everyone? You must be just as sick of getting invited to 75 improv shows a week as I am. Now that there are so many ways to scream out to the masses, how does that even get heard? Success is no longer based on what you have to offer, but on how loudly you can scream.

I told you there would be naked pictures of me.



Sunday, October 12, 2014

Deciding To Go Out: One Introvert's Thought Process for Accepting a Social Invitation



As a self-diagnosed introvert, talking myself into attending some kind of event/party/meeting/seminar/class/friend date/anything that requires leaving the house results in a pretty intensive, although totally predictable, thought process.

Friends may wonder why I'm generally not very spontaneous. It's because I have to allow time for this process to talk myself into going to whatever it is I'm invited to. It goes a little something like this:

  1. Receive invitation. Read it and pretend not to have seen it for at least two hours. (I say read, because all my good friends know that I don't do phone calls. Text messages and emails are my preferred modes of communication.)
  2. Two hours later, read it again.
  3. Look at the date/time this event is to take place, and hope there is already something on the calendar.
  4. Realize there is nothing on the calendar and that I have no reasonable excuse to not go.
  5. Think up alternate reasons why I may not be able to go. Don't I have some kind of deadline looming or something? Doesn't someone need to be driven somewhere? Is my favorite TV show on at that time?
  6. Realize I have no good alternate reasons not to go.
  7. Decide to do nothing about the invitation for the moment, until I can think about it some more.
  8. Next day, revisit the invitation. Imagine what it might be like to go, if I decided to go.
  9. Think about who I might see, what I might wear, how long the event could go, how much energy may need to be expended.
  10. Fight the urge to just not accept the invitation for no reason. 
  11. Ignore invitation again for a little while until I can think about it some more.
  12. Look at the invitation again, and think about saying yes.
  13. Do nothing.
  14. A bit later, practice saying "yes" by telling my husband that I think I might go to this thing.
  15. Feel disappointed that he can't come up with a reason for me not to go.
  16. Do nothing.
  17. Eventually, come to terms with the fact that I am accepting the invitation.
  18. Finally, after exhausting all options, accept the invitation with enthusiasm.
I realize I am outing myself to all my friends by admitting to this thought process. Please don't hate me or stop inviting me to things! I think what is important to understand is that I don't go through this because I don't want to go to something. I actually do generally enjoy myself once I've gotten out of the house. But I know how much social energy it takes for me to enjoy events, and I know that I have a limited supply. Too many things happening back to back exhaust and deplete me, and I worry I won't have time to re-charge when I need to. This is simply a tool of self-protection. I agree that it's kind of ridiculous and needlessly confounding, but it is how I am. My inner introvert insists on it.

Anyone else out there relate to this? Do you have a crazy personal process you go through when confronted with social opportunities? Does it make you feel guilty?

Friday, October 10, 2014

Happy International Stage Managers Day!

Did you know October 10th is a holiday? (Stand by Sound Cue 1 hand-clapping)

Well, you do now! It's International Stage Managers Day! Woo hoo! (Sound Cue 1 hand-clapping GO).

Those of you in the theater world know just how invaluable a good stage manager is, and how the success of a show is largely in their hands.  For those of you not in the theater world, here's just a small sampling of the kinds of things that stage managers do:

  1. Setting up rehearsal schedules and making sure everything runs on time, which means constantly reminding actors when and where they need to be.
  2. Scheduling costume fittings and making sure actors remember to show up.
  3. Overseeing all the physical attributes of a production such as lighting, sets and costumes, and making sure actors don't mess those things up by doing stupid things like eating in costume or touching props that don't belong to them.
  4. Writing down all the blocking for the director during the rehearsal process, so when an actor forgets where they are supposed to be someone can remind them.
  5. Being "on book" during rehearsal in case an actor forgets his next line, so he can be fed the line after calling "line".
  6. Taking line notes during rehearsal so that when an actor says a line incorrectly they can be reminded to say it correctly.
  7. Preparing a prompt book for all the lighting and sound cues during the show.
  8. Calling a show during performance (i.e. being in charge of all the cues and telling board ops and backstage crew exactly when to execute each cue so things run smoothly).
  9. Being in charge of all the backstage and on stage areas during the show.
  10. Ensuring the welfare of the entire cast and crew by knowing safety regulations, laws, health codes, etc.
  11. Keeping track of actors' valuables during the show.
  12. Basically being a superhero that the production could not possibly live without.
Everyone involved in a production has a relationship with the stage manager, they are the hub of all activity. It's a tough and often thankless job, especially when they have to deal with egomaniacal actors or directors (not that I would know anything about THAT of course).

If you haven't already done so, please take a moment today to thank and maybe even hug a stage manager. You should also buy them a cup of coffee and even bake them some cookies, because they are the first ones to come in and the last ones to leave each night. They deserve some damn cookies.

Thank you to all the wonderful stage managers whom I have worked with over my 20 years in the theater. You guys are all rock stars!!






Tuesday, October 7, 2014

On Solitude or Being My Own Best Friend

I've really liked myself for quite awhile now.

Wow, that sounds arrogant, doesn't it?

Let me rephrase that in a more palatable way. I've learned how to enjoy my own company and to not get anxious about being alone. In fact, those times when I am by myself are some of my most enjoyable and satisfying.

It wasn't always like this. I remember being a teenager and worrying about whether my close friends were hanging out without me. That was such a terrible, lonely feeling, knowing they were at the mall without me. Probably having lots of fun and buying some new, cute thing to wear. Or maybe going to the movies and seeing that one film that I really wanted to see - but they didn't think to invite me. God, that was an awful feeling.

I was an awkward adolescent (who wasn't?), and certainly wasn't a good friend to myself. But sometime around my mid-20s - it took me that long to grow out of my awkward phase - I discovered I enjoyed hanging out alone. I found that sometimes when friends would call to invite me out for drinks or a show, I would actually decline, just so I could continue doing whatever it was I was doing by myself. It could have been organizing my CD collection or rearranging the living room furniture, it didn't matter. I was having a good time and I didn't want to stop.

Now that I'm almost 40, I've found that time alone is absolutely essential to my well-being. I don't know if I've been an introvert all these years and didn't realize it, but after time spent out with friends I need a couple days by myself to recharge. I love being with my friends, of course - they're my friends for a reason. But I have a threshold for social activity that I reach pretty quickly, and only time away from all the interaction can recharge my batteries.

I see things differently when I'm alone. When I'm quiet, my mind has time to wander, uninterrupted, revealing new thoughts and ideas. I hear sounds I might otherwise miss - that sweet little bird in the tree, singing his little heart out, unaware that anyone is paying attention. Or the sound of my cat, Murray, laying ten feet away and happily purring in his sleep. When I'm alone, I have permission to linger, I don't have to explain what I'm doing or why I'm doing it. I can just be with the experience.

I've been actively working on being a good friend to myself for a few years. I smile at my reflection in the mirror. I sing songs when I'm alone, just because it feels good. I celebrate my accomplishments and don't let myself wallow too much in my defeats. I'm better at saying no when my schedule is getting too full, even if that no is met with disappointment from others. I give myself permission to indulge in the activities I enjoy - browsing garage sales for nothing in particular, creating a miniature gnome garden under the tree in the front yard, making a complicated dinner just for fun.

Discovering the pleasure of solitude has been a gift to me. Having alone time is part of my personal equation for happiness. And as I'm getting older, I'm getting more adamant about making time for me, just me.

Do you enjoy being alone? When was the last time you took yourself out, alone, just for the fun of it? Or turned down an invitation so you could have some time to yourself? Did you feel guilty, or is it important to your well-being?