There was a minor stir in my corner of the Internet yesterday. Honey Maid has released a new "documentary" (aka commercial) as part of their This Is Wholesome campaign, featuring what they call a blended family. It features a boy named Isaac with his two parents and two stepparents.
As Isaac sees it, he has two moms and two dads. In fact, the stepmom, in the beginning of the spot, says "I'll never forget the first time Isaac called me 'Mom.'" The commercial then goes on to show how these two stepfamilies have come together to raise their children. We see them all together celebrating a birthday, and playing at the beach. The parents talk about how the situation isn't easy, but that they come together for the sake of the kids. The full clip can be seen at the bottom of the post.
In what world does this actually happen? Is it wrong to say that when I watched this commercial, it made me feel a little queasy?
Please don't misunderstand me - I think it's great. I would love to be part of such a highly-functioning stepfamily. I'm a stepmom, and I enjoy a healthy relationship with both of my stepchildren. I want to be a positive adult role model for them, and I want them to feel that they can talk to me about anything. But our stepfamily looks nothing like this TV stepfamily. The bio parents struggle to get along, and it feels like we are almost always on the brink of war. The divorce has unfortunately caused a great rift in my husband's family, and family members have taken sides. It would be a stretch to say that everyone over 20 has acted like an adult at all times. In the beginning, we tried to blend like Isaac's family. We all attended birthday parties and family events. But that didn't last, and we're all still sorting out how to get along well enough to make sure the kids have a good environment in which to grow up. And no matter how much I love my stepkids, I don't expect or even really want them to call me "mom."
I feel like the commercial sets up unrealistic expectations. According to the statistics presented in the commercial, more than 40% of Americans are part of a blended family. How many of those families do you think actually look like this one? From my experience, very few. In a perfect world, we'd all behave like adults all of the time. But in most stepfamilies, the reality is quite different. Seeing commercials like this makes it easy to feel like we're failing, when we are already trying as hard as we can to make the situation as best as it can be amongst people who just don't get along.
I applaud Honey Maid for daring to approach this subject, in the same way I applaud Cheerios for showing a different kind of family in their recent campaign. But I look forward to the day when we can be more honest about how these types of families function so that we don't feel like we have to live up to impossible standards. I gave up trying to look like a swimsuit model long ago, even though that's what the media tells me I should look like. I don't want to be made to feel that I'm also failing as a stepmom, when I think I'm doing a pretty damn good job considering the circumstances.
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